Day 8: The Gift of Your Own Company
Morning Prayer
In 1 Corinthians 13 we learn what love is like by looking at how God loves us. The more we know God the better we are able to rest in his perfect love. This passage describes who he is and how he holds us. As you sit with your thoughts and emotions, what might he invite you to release to him today?
Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.1 Corinthians 13:4-8 ESV
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Midday Reflection
God who is love,
who desired us into existence,
give us eyes to see the value that you have for each of us as individuals,
that we would find security in our belovedness,
and find freedom to give ourselves well to the world and one another,
through Jesus Christ our Lord,
who with the Father and Holy Spirit loved us from before the foundation of the world.
Amen.
The gift of your own company
Written by Tanya Lyons
Adapted from Chapter 9: “The gift of your own company” from The Gifts I Never Knew I Had, Tanya Lyons (2019)
I have noticed that many of us have a bad habit of taking the people we’re closest to for granted. We check our phones while they talk. We forget to say please and thank you to them. We don’t laugh at their jokes. We reserve kindness, respect, and courtesy for strangers and we overlook the people who are closest to us. We may drift from familiarity to disrespect without noticing. When we take someone for granted, we stop trying to go deeper. We don’t pursue; we aren’t curious. We believe we know all there is to know, and it feels awful to be taken for granted.
One person it’s easy to take for granted is ourselves. We’re used to walking around in our own skin. Our life is ordinary, and we don’t expect much. We tune out our own voice like background music. We critique our looks, our words, and our thoughts. We speak to and think about ourselves in ways reserved for our worst enemy. With habits like these, is it any surprise we stay busy so we don’t have to be alone with ourselves? Many of us have lost sight of how wonderful we are and what a gift it is to spend time with ourselves.
If you’re someone who finds it hard to appreciate yourself, look no further than your friends. For reasons unknown, they think you’re interesting, fun to be with, and worthy of time and energy. Our friends celebrate our victories and have compassion for our sorrows. They’re curious about our ideas and dreams, and they listen to our concerns. What do they see in us that we have a hard time recognizing in ourselves? Perhaps it’s simply this: we can’t delight in what we don’t see. It’s possible to go through life as a stranger to ourselves, blind to our own beauty and strength. Sometimes there’s a disconnect between what we hope others will see in us and what we see in ourselves. We want people to hang out with us, but we don’t enjoy our own company. What’s up with that? Either we’ve done a great job fooling our friends about who we are, or we need to adjust the way we see ourselves.
I’ve heard married couples talk about the importance of keeping a relationship alive through paying attention to each other; asking rather than assuming; and always expecting change and growth. When you see your spouse as complex and dynamic you realize it’s a privilege to share life with them. What if you saw yourself in the same way?
If you’re not living in awe and wonder at the amazing gift of you, there’s work to be done. After all, you’re unique and incredible, unlike anyone who’s ever lived. Your laugh is delightful. Your enthusiasm is contagious. Your quirks are charming. You’ve suffered and been pushed down, but you’ve gotten back up. You’ve loved with generosity, taken risks, and created beauty. No one brings to the table what you bring. You’re impressive. You have so much to offer: friendship, love, humour, and support. But your value doesn’t depend on what you do for others. You are someone worth knowing, and one of your tasks in life is learning to appreciate and enjoy yourself. Enjoy, not just tolerate. Caring for yourself is a way to say thank you to God for the gift of you. Don’t take yourself for granted. Don’t underestimate how interesting and wonderful you are; there’s more to you than what’s on the surface. You have a voice that’s worth hearing, and being able to spend your entire life with you is a gift you don’t want to waste.
Activity: (Re)discover the gift of yourself and your own company
Spend some time imagining what it would be like to meet yourself today for the first time. Consider the following questions:
What do you notice about you?
What questions would you like to ask about your life, ideas, experiences, and opinions?
What stories would you want to hear about the life you’ve lived up to this point?
As you spend time with this person, what do you discover about them? What about them surprises you or impresses you?
Another way to (re)discover who you are is by making a timeline of your life. Take a large piece of paper and sketch out the key events of your life: decisions, moves, jobs, losses, accomplishments, and challenges. You could use a straight line, a curvy road, or something else to represent your journey. Once you’ve written down the big events take another look and consider:
Who played key roles in your life at different times?
What propelled you from one season to the next, and what held you back?
Where have you taken big leaps forward, gone backwards, or been stuck?
What are some highlights and low spots?
What questions do you have about where you’ve come from and where you want to go?
What themes, dreams or hopes are woven throughout your story?
What would it look like for you to honour and appreciate the incredible person you are?
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An evening prayer of examen on the day
Each evening before going to bed, take some time to sit with God, reviewing the day and considering the following questions:
What has been good today?
Take some time to write down everything you are thankful for...the taste of your morning coffee, something that made you laugh, a conversation you had, something you read, anything. Thank God for these moments.
What has been hard?
When did you feel disconnected? What feelings came up that were uncomfortable? What unresolved thoughts do you have? What anxieties, fears or worries did you encounter? Speak these out to God, and listen for what he might say to you about them.
Ask God to show you how he was with you in the good and the hard today. Thank him for His presence and receive His grace.
What does it look like to trust him for tomorrow?