Developing a Temporary Rule of Life for Families
All through the Bible we see rhythms and structures. Right at the beginning, in Genesis 1 there are structures that God integrated into all of creation. There is evening and morning, day and night, work and rest and creativity. These rhythms and routines are part of what God sees to be good.
As we find ourselves in new, uncertain circumstances, we have an invitation to evaluate and try on some new rhythms. These rhythms don’t just keep us sane, they give us a boundary within which to play, to care for one another, to grieve when necessary, and to learn to love each other well.
We’re all different when it comes to how much structure we need and want on a daily basis, but during this time of isolation it’s worth thinking through the amount and type of structure which will be most helpful to you and your family. In this guide, we want to invite you to think about your spiritual rhythms as a family, even as you are coming up with structures, systems and calendars to keep you sane with all the adjustments and changes.
As you go through the process of deleting activities, moving meetings online, and saying physical goodbyes to friends and family for a time, pay attention to your body and soul. When you press the delete button, do you feel saddened? Do you breathe a sigh of relief? Some combination of the two? Just notice, don’t judge. Try to pay attention throughout this time to the movement of your soul as you make decisions.
Below are some questions and reflections that might be helpful for you and for your children, to help you develop a rhythm that will be life-giving, and might possibly even bring about a whole new way of life. Take these questions over the course of a few days, as you may need some time to catch your breath and have a pyjama day (or three)!
Work through these questions, first on your own, then with your kids once you have an idea of what your boundaries and “must-haves” are.
What tone do you want to set in the home? Take some time to actually visualise what you would like you and your family to feel at the end of this time. As you go through the rest of the questions, think about them in light of this. You can’t control what will actually happen, but you can make choices to support a move toward that.
Can you come up with a few basic rules (a charter of sorts) that would help you together to set that tone?
What do you need to get done: work, school things, exercise, practically keeping the house running? Who can do which tasks?
What do you want to do: learn, deep clean, play? (What do you want your children to learn about?)
What questions do you have about this time? What will help you to feel secure?
What friends do you want to try to stay in touch with? Discuss ways you could do that.
What could you do to mark the beginning and end of each day (a prayer, a story, a cuddle)?
How would you like to pray? What would you like to learn about God?
When can you pause each day, to pay attention to God and to your own soul, and to help your kids speak and reflect on their feelings? We will send some ideas for what this might look like with different ages.
How can you spend your alone time? Discuss ideas for what they could/would like to do on their own.
What limits or boundaries would you like to set around technology, media, and social media during this time? Discuss this at an age appropriate level. If they are toddlers you will be setting the boundary…teenagers you’ll want to give them tools for becoming aware of the impact their social media has. In between there will be a mix of instructing and guiding.
Once you feel you have enough information from your kids, look at what all of you have said, and see how you can make it work. Depending on their ages, they will be more or less involved in this discussion. For teenagers, you may be in a more consultative role, helping them work through how you are going to navigate sharing this space together all the time.
You may find it helpful to sit down and chart it out. I am not normally a very structured person, but I have learned that if I can create a flexible structure, I know the boundaries in which I can play. It also gives children a sense of security, to know roughly what is coming next. We’ve included an example of some ways you might do this, always remembering to hold it flexibly!
As you go through this season, no matter how much or little structure you choose, keep coming back to your plan and evaluating together whether it’s working. Some questions to help you with that:
What activities have felt life giving and full of energy?
What activities have led me to rest and feel secure?
What activities have left me feeling unsettled, frustrated, resentful or depressed?
What changes could I make that would bring me into alignment with God, myself and others?
May you be at rest in the hands of our good God, who knows you, sees you, and loves you. May there be hidden gifts in this time of isolation that will continue to bless you and others for a long time to come.
Example
Family Charter (to be created together as a family) - add your own rules/boundaries to this.
We always tell the truth
We will treat others as we want to be treated
We will take care of each other when we are ill
Daily Rhythm
Breakfast & Awareness (how are you feeling today in your body and soul?)
Need-to-do’s (schoolwork, parents work, housework) and exercise
Play
Lunch & Bible thought
Quiet time alone
Want to learn (baking, bike riding, sewing, etc)
Screen time
Dinner and days reflection
Bath, jammies, bedtime